Archive | December, 2011
24 Dec

It  seems as though the month had just began. I never would have thought that Christmas Eve would come so suddenly. I truly look forward to Christmas Day. I really don’t too much care about what my gifts are, but what I am truly focused on is the real reason why we celebrate this holiday. Christmas happens to be a very sacred holiday. The reason why celebrating Christmas is so important is because it’s the celebration of the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ.

I used to be very secular in my thinking toward Christmas. I used to only care about what I was going to get for Christmas. But, my getting gifts wasn’t anything compared to the gift that was given 2000 years ago. That truth hasn’t always crossed my mind, until recently. To even know that Jesus was born into this world to suffer for our sake in order to keep us from suffering eternally couldn’t be any more than a gift than anything  wrapped in christmas wrapping paper.

I’m proud to have met Jesus Christ, and have surrendered to him. My life has been very different since then. I’ve learned to look at my life from a different point of view. I’ve learned that my life is whatever I make of it. It’s just all in a matter of how we see our circumstances. We are the auto pilot of our lives. We are the captain of our minds, are thoughts.

I just want to focus on celebrating the birth of my saviour. But, also, on the other hand, I must admit, I do want to see what I’ve gotten for Christmas! (I just thought I’d come on out and admit that and get it over with). My mother has always been gracious enough to provide gifts for me during this holiday. That’s partily why I’m a little eager for Christmas Day to come. I also look forward to spending time with my family and relatives (even though, they’ll treat me as if I don’t exist), but, it’ll be good to see them again.

I truly feel that a normal family would act like a group of loving people who tend to care about one another, and show one another kindness. Unfortunately, my family are not quite as loving, and I’m afraid not too caring. My immediate family are full of warmth. But, when it comes to my relatives,(cousins), we’d hardly come in contact with one another, and hardly anybody cares about one another. I’ve just learned that  my cousin Marisa puts on lengthy recordings so that  no one will call her. I take it she fears that someone will ask a favor from her, or even just to chit-chat. Could it just be that she doesn’t  want anything to do with her supposed loved ones? Could it just be that she has some issues toward her relatives that she’s not willing to confront? I’ve recently learned that wherever issues we have, that we must confront them, and if we don’t confront them, we cannot identify them. It takes courage to confront issues. Most of us don’t have the gumpion. Could it be that Marisa doesn’t have the gumpion to confront her issues, her feelings toward her family? Obviously, there’s an explaination as to why Marisa always create the lengthy recordings. I rarely call her, due to that. That’s not an excuse,(I admit that), but for once, I just wish I could at least touch base. I feel that  it would not hurt to just talk. We all have lives, but, still, we could at least have the dignity to want to be thought of. That’s the problem with this loveless family. No one cares about each other! Moreover, no one cares about themselves! They seem to be strong believers in marital abuse,  pregnancy out of wedlock, sex outside marriage, teenage pregnency, drug abuse, alcoholism, womanizing, etc. Our family is pretty corrupt, to say the least.I don’t say this to pass judment, it’s the truth!

I truly love my kin, but unfortunately, they don’t seem to love themselves. They don’t seem willing to admit that they have problems. They don’t seem willing to confront their issues. They obviously do far too much of what’s bad….they will not come upon those that are invovled with the good. The Bible says, ‘that some people hate to come into the spiritual light, because their deeds are bad. And, those whose deeds are bad don’t want to have many dealings with those who are doing good deeds. Good and evil are no different than oil and vinegar.

Anyway, I still look forward to Christmas. And, also, regardless of everybody’s flaws, shortcomings, and misfortunes, I love them dearly, wheather they know it or not. Regardless of what everybody’s done, I shall not love them any less. God loves us, even when we do bad things. My relatives have done multitudes of bad things , even I’ve done bad things, (I say this out of pure humility), I’m not any more of a sinner than anyone else. And, I will never ever claim to be any better than anyone else. Because I’m not. I never will be. And, I accept that.  
























15 Dec

It seems as though when things get hard, and complicated, I sometimes

feel like I just want to throw in the towl, but I just know in my heart

that I just can’t afford to do that. Suicide is not an option. I dread

thinking suicidal thoughts, they make me sad. I hate wallowing in

self-pity. Life is far too priceless, it’d be a shame to end it so abruptly.

I know that God has a lot in store for me, and I don’t want to miss

out on those blessings. Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been cursed. Could it

just be that life is so unfair? A lot of the times, I don’t always feel

fortunate. What could it be? Could it be that my life as a

schizophrenic doesn’t agree with those with the likes of me? If so,

why? Just what could I’ve possibly done in order to deserve this type

of life? I know I’m no perfectionist. I don’t rely on my own

understanding. I don’t wish to obtain fame and glory. I don’t wish to

be popular. I know that I don’t have to be a celebrity in order to get

God’s approval. I already have his approval, after all, he had sent his

on begotten son into the world in order to die for our sake. I am God’s

own creation, I’m sufficient in knowing that I’m fearfully and 

wonderfully made, and that I’m beautiful in his sight. We just simply

cannot depend on the approval of man, because man can automatically

change his mind about us in a splity second! But, God will never

change his mind about us. Why? Because, we’re his own.

What To Expect Of Life

10 Dec

Just what was I thinking when I had enrolled in that computer arts

class? Was I getting in over my head or what?! Well, one good thing

came out of it, I still got my blog, and I still memerize my username

and password. Well, other than that, things have been going downhill

for me lately. I don’t going down, but things have not been working

too well! But, I’m still willing to keep my faith in God. Only he can

work things out. I don’t know what, but I’ve now come to terms to

just stop worrying. Because to worry is to meditate on the negative.

I must admit, I have been  pessimistic about a lot of things. I dread

that. I’d tell myself that I won’t lose faith, but as soon as things get

hard, I’m prone to begin feeling sorry for myself. I have to admit, I

don’t like to feel sorry for myself. I’d keep forgetting, that life is brief,

and that times have grown sensitive, we don’t have time to

lose hope. All these pity-parties we tend to have, life is winding down.

But, why do I keep forgetting these important things? Does it just slip my mind?