Archive | June, 2014

Father’s Day

16 Jun

 

 

My father’s been dead for 5 years. He had passed away on June 3, 2010.

These past four years have not been the same without him. I miss him very much. My mother’s now the only living parent I have left. I never thought I’d have just one parent. Father’s Day had seemed rather empty…now that my father’s gone. Everybody else still have their fathers, except me

My father wasn’t a perfect dad. He made a lot of mistakes, he made  lot of bad choices. He was an alcoholic when he was alive. Our relationship wasn’t all that great. My father and I really weren’t too close. It was pretty much the alcoholism that had driven a wedge between us, mainly. I couldn’t help it, I just wasn’t able to get too close to my father like I should have. That may not be an excuse,  but, I can’t help it!

I admit, my relationship with my father wasn’t very healthy. It wasn’t that I didn’t respect him, in general…I just didn’t like how the alcoholism was effecting him. He’d be sober during the week, and then he’d get drunk on the weekends.

He was employed with the City of Garland for 27 years. He’s retired back 1995. Then, after that…he’d taken advantage of his retirement…and had done all the drinking he wanted, then, eventually the alcohol had started to take root…, and then it had killed him.

He had craved the alcohol greatly…then, he died.  It was just a matter of time before the alcoholism took root. But, I still miss him…nonetheless. It’s still not the same without him. Life has been different  without him.

Even though…I was pretty much the apple of my dad’s eye. But, now…he’s gone! The alcoholism had taken him away from me. I can no longer see him, hug him. talk to him, or even greet him with a father’s day card!

It’s different. No loud music on the weekends anymore…( not that that’s a bad thing), no more drunkenness…( a good thing), but he’s in a much better place, now. He no longer has to suffer the alcohol anymore…no more hangovers, no more DUI’s, no more drunk driving, …he doesn’t have to get drunk anymore…he’s now been delivered from that!

He’s now walking the streets of gold…enjoying the atmosphere of Heaven. The fact that he’s in heaven…makes me feel at ease.

He was supposed to have suffered eternal damnation…just as all the rest of us are, but, he had repented, shortly before he died…, an That’s why I feel at ease…

I didn’t get  very many spankings from him. I guess I hadn’t given  enough reasons to. He was pretty laid back. He wasn’t strict. He wasn’t much of an authoritarian. I never had to be home at a certain time…I was never given a curfew. I was never grounded….I was never away from home, much.

I really wasn’t a typical teenager back then. I was always to myself, most of the time. There wasn’t really wasn’t much out there for me to get into…so, I stayed home. I had never gotten in trouble with the law. And, I had never cause my father any grief. I admit, I’ve been disobedient several times, but still I was a good kid.

I was able to talk to my dad. We had bickered a little. He didn’t like to be in arguments…

But, he was okay. I guess I ought to resent him for drinking so much, but somehow…I don’t. The alcoholism should have  caused me to harbor bad feelings towards him, but it didn’t. I loved him, nonetheless. He might have been a screw-up…in a way, but, he was my father, regardless of the alcoholism. It didn’t matter how many mistakes he had made…or how many bad choices he had made, he was my father. He may not had been much of a role model…but, he was only human. Just like we’re all human, we’re prone to screw up once in a while…but, that doesn’t really make us bad people.

There is goodness in all of  us. We just do a lot of bad things. We all do bad things! And, I don’t believe that there’s a single person around that has not screwed up! We all screw up everyday! Not one person is any better than the next person. We’re all bound to slip, and fall down. That’s life!

Bad things happen to good people. And, good people do bad things. My father was a good man, but, he had done a lot of bad things. He wasn’t ‘Mr. Perfect’, and, nobody is! There’s not a single  person  around that’s perfect. I feel it’s utterly impossible to be perfect. It’d have to take a lot of hard work to try to be perfect. It’d be a total waste of time to even try! You simply cannot be perfect. It’s not possible! You’d be living in a dream world if you thought otherwise!

I  know I’m not perfect, and I’m not going to try to waste my energy to be perfect! We’re about quadrillion miles away from perfection. Jesus  Christ literally puts us to shame, because, he is perfect! He’s never made a single mistake!  He’s the true perfectionist! We do not measure up! (Romans 3:23).

 

 

 

 

 

 

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